The Dumb Salt Shaker

- - Nelson Lewis

Remember hearing about “smart houses” for the first time, and thinking “wow, a house where you can turn on/off all the light switches from one light board sounds pretty cool”?  You remember when smartphones came out a few years later?  Those were pretty cool too, right?  Remember when people started talking about “smartfridges” that told you when you were out of various supplies and then ordered them for you?  Maybe that was a bit much, but it’s still pretty cool.  

You know what really doesn’t need to be made “smart”?  Salt shakers.  But you know what somebody just made “smart”?  Salt shakers.  The Smalt is a salt shaker with Bluetooth, that wirelessly plays music while you’re shaking the salt out.   

pepper boys

I prefer my salt and pepper shakers to be operated by SNL cast members

The Smalt is marketed as a “centerpiece” that “sets the right ambiance” to meals.  It provides, according to the website, a “fun, interactive way to shake salt”, despite the fact that it’s literally the exact same way to shake salt, except that it simply plays music and glows a blue light.  Why you can’t just blast your smartphone while using your dumb salt-shaker is beyond me, but I guess that’s why I didn’t invent the Smalt. It’s similar to another recent brilliant invention, the $400 WiFi-enabled juicer that squeezes juice from bags you can just as easily squeeze with your hands, but then that wouldn’t be too much fun would it?

While SNL has been generating plenty of controversy, they’ve certainly had some great sketches: John Belushi’s samurai sketches were hysterical, Will Ferrell’s Celebrity Jeopardy can always make me laugh, but this whole thing does remind me of one sketch from the 90s, when Dana Carvey and Adam Sandler played pepper grinders at an Italian restaurant.  The more seasoned (no pun intended) Carvey tries to teach the novice Sandler the tricks of the pepper-grinding trade, but then just as Adam Sandler is getting the hang of it, both of them get fired after the restaurant gets electronic pepper grinders.  Was a pretty funny sketch, but it still doesn’t make me want to buy a smart salt or pepper shaker.  But I can’t wait to see what other “smart” things are made, because I’m sure they’ll be just as funny as this.

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